I just went out for a jog last night, around midnight, and I saw this snail right there in the middle of the road. He was trying to cross the street to this little patch of dandelions. I don’t even know why. It would have taken him all night, but there were cars coming so I picked him up and moved him over to the other side of the street. And I felt good. And I decided I would set out every night to defend those who cannot defend themselves. But I ran around for a half an hour, and I couldn’t even find one evildoer. I ran so much I had to lie down in the grass outside the hospital. I was just so tired, from the running and all, and an old fat man came up to me and asked me if I needed help. I asked him to point me in the direction of the hospital entrance, and he led me there and made sure I got inside alright. I just sat there in the waiting room until I knew he was gone, because he’s me, and when I went outside again, it was pretty late, and I saw these gloves right there on the sidewalk. They said, “WATCH YOUR HANDS,” and so I did, and I think I saw a ghost behind me, so I ran home. After I showered and everything, my special friend was coming back from a concert. 2 Chains or something. You can’t pay me to go to that stuff. She doesn’t like that stuff either, not that it matters, but her high school brother was in town, and she wanted to show him a good time. Anyways, when she got back, she wanted to watch Moonrise Kingdom, and it was pretty late. She also ran 12 miles that morning at like 7 am after staying up till 4 with me the night before, so I knew for sure she would fall asleep in the middle. And she did, of course, and I shut the computer and laid there with her for a little. And it was really nice to just have a friend that is also a cute girl to cuddle with. And she spent the night, and bit my nose in the morning to wake me up, and that was it.